Right now in life there are so many facts, so much data, and so many events happening simultaneously that it’s impossible for any one person to know everything. It’s even impossible in my opinion for someone to know everything that they would like to know. Maybe that’s just me though. As a teacher, I am always thirsting for knowledge. I love learning, which makes me able to learn and teach new things to others. But I digress…
Really what I’m trying to say is that even though I don’t plan on ever having all of the answers, right now I feel as though I have none. For example, I turn on Facebook or flip through a news station (which I admittedly don’t do very often), and all I see is negative. We had an entire professional development day yesterday at work about being positive, wording everything you say to your students in a positive manner, and being kind as well as compassionate for others. I spent almost 7 hours yesterday being drilled with positive this and positive that. I have to admit that it was refreshing, but the problem was that when I got home, everything around me was trying to throw negative in my face. I felt like I had hit a brick wall. Honestly, I still kind of do even 24 hours later. Maybe I just don’t understand.
Additionally, God threw into my life yesterday another twist on the rollercoaster. My friend died yesterday morning from his battle with cancer. While we weren’t super close, I will always consider him a friend. We may not have spoken often lately, but I know that I will miss seeing his old pictures of mountain climbing expeditions and other things that he experienced in his very active life. So here I go again, from this positive team-building day filled with activities to a negative brick left in my road to trip over. What makes this even worse at this particular moment is that my family has been struggling to even watch TV shows where people are suffering from cancer since my grandma is currently battling many types. To hear that someone I knew died from the disease is almost paralyzing. I could not get my head wrapped around the reality of that death, that pain, or that worry I was feeling. I guess I just don’t understand.
Then to flip through the news and see all of the negative that happens in this world… it just floors me. I believe probably close to 99% of all news stories are negative ones. And I cannot stand it anymore! People hurting each other, people being hurt by forces of nature, people being hurt because they can’t afford or cannot get healthy for one reason or another. It’s always something bad. Maybe the media needs to take a page from yesterday’s lessons that I went through and try to make everything positive. I’m not sure that’s really possible in our world right now. Even the people who have seemed trustworthy or good in the past often turn around to be a negative part of our lives. Yet, I feel like there has to be some sort of solution to all of this negative. And try as I might, I don’t think it will be possible for me to make myself 100% positive all the time with all of this dark cloud nonsense surrounding me every day.
I read a blog post recently about someone who was in a very positive place in her life. She was able to go on a trip that would change her life for the better. Even then, she mentions in her one post that the devil tried to input his negativity into her trip, into this once-in-a-lifetime experience. It made me feel good to know that I wasn’t the only one experiencing some struggles with the negative things in this world. Yet even more, I wished for just that one day, that one trip, that the writer could have experienced a completely positive environment. I feel like we all deserve that one chance, that one moment, to feel totally at ease in our lives.
Unfortunately, I am being reminded constantly that the idea of total good and happiness is not a reality in anyone’s life. I feel right now that I could attempt to (or even succeed at) being the most positive person on the planet with the most faithful and beautiful ways, but I would still be affected by that thundercloud of doubt, of anger, of negativity.
So it’s true then: I just don’t understand. If anyone has tackled the beast that is positive vs. negative in the world and has found ANY inkling of an answer, please feel free to share it. I know more than one person who would love a clue as to how to begin understanding all of this ‘ick’.