I had thought about skipping this post today, because I’m pretty darn exhausted. But then, out of curiosity, I read the topic for the day and felt that I just couldn’t skip this post or until until next week! So here goes…
What is the hardest thing I have ever been through? I cannot answer that question. Sorry. The number one thing? There is no number one thing. I have been through so many challenging and unfortunate things, even at this early point in my life, that I cannot choose just one. So how about a list? Here are the things that would vie for the first place position:
1. Growing up with anxiety, especially during the school year when drama and big tests, etc. were destined to occur. And that one time where I kept my parents away from one of their vacation trips because of this problem.
2. Having to accept the fact that my family shrunk to half of its size because of drama. This item in itself is composed of dozens of other occurrences that could be considered some of my worst.
3. Having the house broken into while my parents try to prevent the situation- being too scared for my own sake and not saving my sister from this one was something that I struggled with for a long time. I sometimes still think about it almost 10 years later…
4. My first day as a freshmen. Sometimes people are just hateful and rude before they even get to know you. Unfortunately, I was on the wrong end of that stick.
5. Losing my best friend, my confidante, and the one I could always go to during any of these other bad situations. To my pup, Max, I still miss you. And, though I in no way want to replace him, living the past year without this type of affection and cuddling has been extremely hard as well.
6. Losing my grandpa and then realizing that, even though he wasn’t a perfect person, I didn’t get to know him nearly as much as I would know him now if he were still alive. The closeness that I feel with my grandma is something I’ll never get to feel with him.
7. Being bullied in school. This one, for many, is self explanatory.
8. Disappointing the ones I love in many different ways. Most recently, having to deal with a snag in my relationship- while both of us have a lot going on that contributed to the distance that is now between us, I still feel disappointed in us and think he probably feels the same way. Regardless which of us is more or less to blame, etc. we could both fix this situation if we try hard enough, but the time between now and that point is going to be long and excruciating- if it ever even ends.
9. Watching someone that I love deal with depression and such a drastic feeling of inadequacy that they considered suicide and self-harm. I cannot even begin to explain how important it is for you to stick by that person’s side. Regardless of your feelings during this type of situation, that person whom you love is the one who really needs the attention and care. Whatever you do, do not leave their side physically or emotionally!
10. Breaking off my engagement for reasons that I could not only control to a certain extent. Basically any time we are not in control of our lives and something bad happens, we think it’s awful. This time though, I was giving up something that I never though I’d have in the first place. Just when I was used to having a new person around in my life, they disappeared. I’ll never rush into an engagement/marriage again.
So there you go- my top ten. I gave some details with each of them because I don’t feel the need to go back and rehash each one now that I’ve stated them. In fact, this post itself has been extremely difficult for me to write. I’m now rehashing each of these instances in my head, and it’s not a good feeling to have all of that negativity at the forefront of my mind. I think now is a good time to move on to another one of my post topics, so check back soon for new content!