I guess the thing is this: I see where Joe is coming from, but I also understand where Gina has been. If I am not directly involved in a situation, it is so easy for me to have this wide open perspective. I wonder if that’s why I sometimes struggle to get along with people.
Why am I writing about this now anyway? I still have other feelings I need to write about and get out of my mind. I guess the only reason I am even thinking about this perception now is because I saw it firsthand tonight.
I absolutely love spending time with my boyfriend and my family. I know this love and want and need stems from how I was raised by such a close knit group of parents. But what I struggle to realize sometimes is that not everyone had the amazing family that I had growing up. Not everyone actually understands what it means to be a part of a true family. So maybe my people take the crazy and the love to the extremes sometimes. They are still the ones who love me and they always will be.
I guess the thing my family doesn’t realize is that I have someone in my life who means the world to me but doesn’t fully understand my upbringing. And it seems that person also doesn’t understand why my family is the way it is.
I would like to tell everyone how it truly is… how things look from my outside perspective. Because, while I love them all, I get a little lost in between their differing beliefs sometimes. That alone is confusing to me. I can see things from so many different points of view that it’s crazy. Just the other day a friend asked me about what kind of Lutheran I am. I honestly couldn’t answer her, because even if I had attended the same church my entire life, my beliefs are pretty scattered. I’ve had time spent in a UCC organization, but I then moved to a Lutheran church. In between that, I was a Catholic school teacher and attended all of their mass services. See what I mean by being able to understand all kinds of things? Heck, I’m even a fairly religious person who is also a scientist and mathematician; explain that one once!
The point being is that I hope I didn’t upset any of my family or T by speaking out tonight or over the past few nights. I know my attitude and personality is not always fun to get along with. In fact, I often blame my anxiety on the fact that even I cannot get along with myself. In any case, I hope that we are all mature and strong enough adults to be able to talk through things, work through other situations, and form even stronger bonds than what we already have. I’m sorry for the crap I’ve put you all through; wish I could do more to guarantee it’ll never happen again….