Me Now

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As crazy as this is going to sound, things have changed for me. I know I have grown this year, but I never thought I’d be ending the work year off on this note. I’ve graduated from grad. school, I’ve loved over 40 kids that might as well be my little siblings, I’ve adopted a puppy, I’ve picked up more responsibilities and more outgoing behaviors, and I’ve started to fall in love.

That’s right everyone, this girl has started to fall. And possibly, fall hard. 

I guess I should be clear right now; I am not head-over-heels, completely infatuated, obsessed, teenager kind of immature in love. Nope… this one feels different than those silly emotions. This time, it feels like I have someone special in my life who makes a difference in my life every day. I have someone who is sweet, kind, caring, and will go out of their way to make things better for me regardless of the circumstances. 

It is true that we have only been together for a few months now, but I have such positive feelings about us. It’s different than before. This time I can focus on other parts of my life without feeling like things will change in my relationship because of my focus on other things. This time I have a supporter who never fights with me and only upsets me when it’s completely unintentional. This time one of our favorite things to do is talk… not move, not be active, not be distracted by others… this time the time that we spend alone brings out the truth in my thoughts and feelings. I think it brings out the same in him. And regardless of the situation, every time that we have had some confusion or miscommunication, our late-night talks have straightened out all of the mess. 

This time I love a man who holds my heart in his hands truly, completely, and irreversibly. Don’t get me wrong, we still have a lot of getting used to each other to go through. There will still be hardships and accomplishments that, sitting here, I cannot even imagine. In fact, things may completely fall apart at some point without any warning or without being in our control in any way. But right now I realize that the relationship I am in is not one that is setting me up to be blindsided. Unlike before, I can think through things logically, can get mad if I have a good reason, and can be sensible about my thoughts and feelings. Better yet, I have never been mistreated by my boyfriend, and he seems to have these exact same feelings towards me and our relationship. Now that I am thinking through things more maturely, things are different.

So here’s what I have to say… Don’t be afraid to open yourself up to trust someone. Let the trust build gradually and slowly, but let it build! Meet new people in random ways and unexpected places too. You never know where you will meet someone who is going to change your life or who has popped into your view for a reason. And finally, never give up on love. While I thought I had given up on the idea of marriage, dating, having kids, etc…. I realized how wrong I was to have had those thoughts over the past 10 months or so. 

And if my boyfriend is reading this, thank you. I know I tell you those two words a lot and you tell me I don’t have to say it for the tiny things. But this, the way you have affected me, has not been anywhere close to a little thing. This is my life, and regardless what happens to us, you have changed it. Thank you for the new experiences and the amazing friendship. I hope we have many, many more days together. ❤

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