Trying to Climb the Stairs

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Trying to Climb the Stairs

I don’t have much to say tonight. Just simply that I had a wonderful day and am glad that someone is taking the time to remind me how good it feels to just relax. Unfortunately, I relaxed while my professor sat emailing me hours and hours of work to have completed by Thursday. Let’s just say the relaxation was great, but now I’m stressed and crunched for time. Another snow day might be awesome, but I know I’m pushing my luck by asking for another one of those. 

Oh, and just for the record, today was the first time in my life EVER when I scored at least 3 strikes in a row in a game of bowling. And not duckpins either; true bowling! I had a lot of fun and am starting to see the benefits of making new friends. Funny thing though, I don’t want to push my luck.

You know how, at the beginning of any new friendship, everything seems just fine and dandy? Too good to be true? As much fun as I’m having, I cannot help but think I’m still in this newbie phase and that some day soon I will grow out of it and this friendship of mine will change.

Here’s the thing about life I guess. You cannot guarantee that things are going to go your way. You cannot be completely certain that you are going to agree with or get along with every person who you want to be friends with. The hardest part about life at the end of the day, at least in my opinion, is coming to terms with the fact that you cannot be completely satisfied at all times. Unless you care about nothing, have no goals in life, and wish for nothing more than to be a vegetable… life is going to disappoint you. 

The thing I’m trying to work on now is just not disappointing myself. I don’t want to make any mistakes here. I know, I am seeming overly dramatic, but friendship means a lot to me. I take that interaction with a person very seriously even if it’s another girl or even a guy who I have no intention of falling in love with. This outlook allows me to have very few friends but some of the best friends in the world. I don’t want to change my outlook, but at the same time I don’t want to keep avoiding interaction as I have been.

I remember the day I met my ex. It was a weird and awkward day. But our conversation just flowed and from that point on we almost never stopped talking. The ability to talk to someone openly and honestly is something that I always crave. There always seems to be a stop-gap between your own thoughts and the conversations that you feel you can comfortably have with any one person. I heard this saying once, “Marry someone who you can talk to. When you’re old and grey that trait will come in handy.” I guess I just never expected to be able to talk to someone so easily and have them not be the person I was going to marry. Over the years I guess I should have seen the signs, and maybe at times I did. But now, when life lays in pieces around my feet and my legs are just itching to run while my hands just want to reach down and start re-gluing things together… I guess I just don’t know where to go or who to turn to. Back is definitely not an option. Forward is a given. But the present seems great too. Yet I don’t know if this new friendship of mine is an eye opener or another disappointment. I don’t know if I’m setting myself up for failure here or if I’m just taking a semi-sensible risk. 

For those of you still reading this crappy post, I do sincerely apologize. Once I get my head out of the muck, I will try to write something more easily read and something that you may actually get a lesson, fact, etc. from. In the meantime, I hope anyone else out there who is trying to get over a relationship or some kind of heartache is finding our common traits comforting. 

For now,

~Me

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