Not My Intentions…

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I definitely had not planned to write this up tonight, but I guess things happen that you never really realize until it’s too late to safe guard yourself against them.

Here’s the thing (and I’m sorry if I’ve talked about this before and am repeating myself); my family has this record with alcohol that is so less-than-stellar. Not my parents or siblings or anything like that, but my grandparents especially. Fifty percent of them were serious alcoholics at one point in their lives. There was the abusive grandfather, the one my parents kept us away from, and the one who was almost “disowned” because they were just plain nasty all the time as they drank. 

This is a fact that I’ve grown up with, one that I cannot say that I enjoy. There is such a huge stereotype on alcohol and drinking for me now. I was raised to be very cautious about alcohol, that it changes people for the worst. My parents set the good example by not drinking at all, ever. 

Since I try to be a good Christian girl (I know, the religion doesn’t have a lot to do with alcohol, but hear me out), I have set some very firm beliefs for myself that I intend to stick through and follow. One of them is that I will never drink alcohol in my life. Not even a glass. Not one. 

So many of you are probably rolling your eyes right now and saying that I am naive for not even trying something that is not harmful unless you let it be harmful, but it’s my belief and I’ll stick with it regardless of judgement. 

So why is this a big deal tonight? Well… I went to a friend’s house today to hang out. There was alcohol. Not a lot, just enough for people to realize that I was the only one of-age in the entire house who was not drinking anything. So I got questioned. I kept refusing, and then people got really quiet and acted just a tad weird for a while. 

Don’t get me wrong, no one was straight out nasty to me about my decision to not drink; everyone there was pretty mature. But the questions were there nonetheless. And my thing is, why? Why must I always defend this belief that I have. No one, not even half my family, understands why I have set this goal for myself. No one realizes how much pain I felt because of the aftermath of alcoholism. No one.

So here I sit, wondering what other beliefs I have set for myself that others would judge if I tried to discuss them out loud (or if they were just as apparent as me not having a martini glass in my hand…)

  1. I do not drink. Never have, never will.
  2. I am not completely an angel, but I never want to have sex before marriage. I’ve come too close to giving it all away to someone who was fake before, and I am glad that I stopped myself from that amount of hurt.
  3. It is better to remain quiet than to remain judged. (This is more of a motto that I lead rather than a goal/belief.)
  4. I will never have any more piercings. (I have one set of ear piercings and one side of my cartilage pierced now.)
  5. It is better to have loved (with your heart entirely on your sleeve) than to never have loved at all, so I do all the loving I can (even if I accidentally come off as too emotional).

Well.. I had been thinking of others, but I got distracted and am completely exhausted. Maybe I’ll come back and fill more out soon. For now, let me know what you think! Do my friends and family have a right to judge? Does anyone? How would you react? Thanks all!

~Me

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