I haven’t had the chance to write in quite a while now, or so it seems. But tonight I am able to thank God for Christmas Break. I know, it is something that everyone takes for granted (or maybe does not get to enjoy at all), but this is a big thing to me right now. I recently started suffering from headaches at work and have been extra stressed when trying to stay caught up and rest my head.
Now things should be slowing down for a while, at least for the night. Which means I was able to successfully read the next chapter in my book. As always, the questions from the chapter (and their answers) are below.
- What are you holding on to that you believe needs to be healed?
My past relationships. My past experiences. For the most part, it feels like I have healed from them and moved on, but there are moments in my day or in my life that remind me of the past and things that I wish I didn’t still feel so affected by when just thinking about them. I think my failed relationship is a huge thing. I know, deep down, that I didn’t fail. Yes, maybe I could have done a few things differently, but for the most part, the relationship failed because I would not change myself for someone else. I know this, and yet it is hard to move on from this fact and into my new life while still knowing that my love is still there; it’s just clouded by hurt now. That, for sure, is the biggest thing that bugs me to this day.
- What issues in your past are of particular concern to you? Are you comfortable sharing your past experiences with others?
I think you just need to see above… Yes, for the most part I am comfortable sharing my experiences. The funny thing is, it’s easier for me to share these experiences with people I know less rather than those that I know well. It seems that those close to me are always more judgmental simply because they care more for me and want to help me decide (or do) what is best for me. Sometimes this is appreciated; other times it just seems like an opinion that works to fog my own opinions.
- Do you use drugs or alcohol? How does this impact the relationships that you have with others?
I do not. I don’t use drugs or alcohol, and I have perfectly good reasons for both (not that I should need a good reason). This fact has ruined multiple friendships for me, though I do not regret that fact much. Here’s the thing: my grandparents (most of them) were alcoholics at some point in their lives. Some of them sobered up and got clean, but others did not. I’ve seen the way that alcoholics can treat others. No, before you ask, I don’t think that it’s entirely the alcohol that makes a person bad, however; I do not think it helps to bring out the best in people. For this reason, I choose not to drink or be around people who drink. Some people understand and others just think I’m a stuck-up idiot who is too naive to take any part of the “fun” in this world. So, relationships have ended on this issue, and it seems silly to me from this perspective that I considered them relationships (friendships really) to begin with. Especially when they could fall apart so easily…
- How comfortable are you with your body?
I have my days. I used to be a skinny stick and now I am just not. I’ve matured and grown and rounded out to say the least. Most days I am comfortable with this and can find at least three things about my own body that I truly would not change for the world. But when you’re surrounded by people and a society that thinks that you are obese (though in my eyes, the BMI calculator is a load of crap), it can be hard. I will often take someone shopping with me not just because it is more fun that way, but also so that I can get a second opinion on the clothes that I choose to buy for myself. And I do it so subconsciously, that I’m not sure I even realize how much of an issue my body image can, at times, be for myself.
- What pattern would you need to incorporate in your life to improve your health?
This is hard. I don’t really exercise. I mean, I do plenty of walking and standing/moving at work every day, but I never have the time to do things that are truly exercise related. I just run out of time! During the summers, I am better at trying to stay active, but during the school year I have to work so hard and rest so much to keep my mental health at its peak that I do not have time to run two miles (not that I can do so anyway…)
- Describe your closest friends. Are you just like them or do you want to be like them?
I consider two people my closest friends. One lives across the country right now and is barely like me at all (case and point: I never would have moved across the country for a job!), and the other is my sister. Even her and I are similar but so different. She’s the caring, nurse-y, mom-type and I am the serious, official, worrisome teacher type. We do have a lot in common, but the thing is we have so much difference in us that we are definitely our own unique person. Some traits in both of my friends I would like to pick up, but I’m not jealous or envious of them for having stronger traits than I do. I see that my sister helps others at home (with chores) a lot more often than I do, but I also realize that I spend all day helping kids to become better in the classroom. I think we are similar but in different circumstances. And for the record, I am proud of both of the women that we have become.
- How vulnerable are you to pressure from your peers?
I used to be extremely vulnerable to peer pressure. Now? Not so much. If people have nasty opinions about me and I find out about it, yes, I get upset. But that doesn’t mean that I bow down to them and do whatever they say. I used to do that, but it’s not me anymore. I have become more confident in myself as an individual over the past five years or so, and I am not afraid to stand up for something when I believe it to be the right thing.
- How much do you rely on your friends’ opinions?
This I do a lot. I value so many different things in this world: nature and technology, arts and the sciences, family and friends… it’s not always easy for me to make decisions that require me to choose between two very amazing things. And yet it seems like most of these decisions are simple, every day things, like what to eat for dinner. I do take other people’s opinions into account when making larger decisions as well, but I am less likely to allow them to influence me when I am trying to figure out some big part of my life.