The more I read this book, the more I feel like I was destined to read this book right now, at this point in my life. I no longer care that it wasn’t written for an audience that includes me. Instead I’m focused on soaking up the advice and letting myself heal after my recent breakup. Curiously enough this set of questions is geared towards a person’s biggest struggles.
What doubts do you struggle with?
I doubt myself. I doubt my ability to do basically anything that seems like a struggle during any particular situation. I don’t always doubt myself, don’t get me wrong; but it’s a lot easier to doubt yourself when you are stressed or when others act like you cannot succeed at the simplest of things.
Explain significant past hurts, misunderstandings, and grudges that you feel are holding you back.
My grandparents were first. At least that’s how I remember it. Sure, when I was younger, I lost friends, had fights, and did normal child things with other kids in school. But the hurt that I remember most vividly is that which my grandparents gave to me. Shortly thereafter, and because of that interaction, my aunt, uncle, and cousins also hurt me. Without going into details, I can tell you that it was one of the biggest emotional slaps in the face that anyone can probably ever experience. It’s so difficult to go from having a nice, close-knit family to having three people in your life who you can even trust a fraction. That experience shattered my trust, my independence, and my confidence in myself for many, many years.
Then there was the first time I truly liked a boy. I say boy because we were both still young to act like adults. While we weren’t “dating”, he chose Thanksgiving day to tell me that his parents allowed his ex-girlfriend to move in with him (I don’t remember the reason), and he could no longer speak to me because it made her uncomfortable. This too hurt. I had just started trusting again, only to be sideswiped again.
Being bullied in middle school is one of the greatest misunderstandings and hurts that I have ever felt in my life. It’s nothing like having a huge set of friends whom you have spent years with only to turn around and have no one. Actually, it’s worse when you have no one but everyone else also puts so much extra effort into treating you like crap because of your grades, your kindness to your teachers, etc. It’s not as though I was doing anything wrong; from the way I understand it, people were just jealous.
Most recently, again once I had begun to trust people for the first time in quite a while, I met a man. He was amazing and sweet and caring. He taught me to trust and love again. After just over a year, we got engaged. Less than 2 years later, he broke up with me. I made some mistakes in my tone of voice when speaking with him at times, I admit that. No one is perfect. But we were both aware of my issues and I was working to make them go away. He too had issues, to the point where he couldn’t control them at times. Or something… I’m not even completely sure. But the biggest hurt now is that we didn’t have some huge falling out. Things didn’t go horribly wrong. To this day, I still cannot say that I do not love him. I do. But he has a new girlfriend now and I am finding it extremely hard to be the friend on the side. It’s been tough, and I’m trying to let go. But every time I think of him (which is almost constantly), I cannot let go of the pain that I feel or the fact that I do not want to give up what was supposed to be my future, my whole life.
What past hurt do you believe is your greatest barrier?
The most recent, for sure!
What is the most vulnerable part of your life?
My emotions. I even took a test online the other day (one of those stupid ones that ask ‘What is your age’ or some other nonsense). This test questioned “What is your biggest struggle?” My answer was that I was too lovable. Point proven… I love too much, too deeply, and too easily. Until I get hurt; then I pull back for a while until I’m comfortable taking the risk that it will happen all over again.
What could someone do to make you able to talk about your concerns, anger, weaknesses, pain, and struggles?
Prove to me that they can be trusted. Prove to me that they truly care. Mostly, just show me love. I don’t require much, and I’m often very open about my situations. It’s my anxiety that I don’t like to talk about.
Who do you believe has disappointed you or told you a negative story about yourself in your lifetime?
Many people. (See above for those who have hurt me most.) There are always people telling me I shouldn’t do one thing or another. My family is much better at keeping me supported and positive, but I think that there are times when even they have said something negative about me. Maybe not large stories that are negative or make a lasting impact, but negative things that are barely impacting my life at this point.
Is there a relationship that you believe should be mended?
Right now, yes. In time, I will see that everything that has happened recently happened for a very good reason. Then I will know that it’s okay to just let some people go. I may never stop thinking about the relationship, the person, or the things that occurred (I’m very bad at forgetting), but one day I will understand it at least.
That’s all for now. Happy Thanksgiving!