The Return of the Faith

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So it happens like this…

Life changes, you get a job, and all h*** breaks loose. But don’t worry, because that’s not the half of it! So many things have changed since I’ve last written and many of those things have tested me numerous times throughout the past 3 months. How I’m ever going to survive this year is beyond me. How things are going to work out is the last thing on my mind. Mainly, I just need to know how to get through the next day, hour, minute… 

The thing is, I am trying to do too much at once. I know it, other people know it; but I’m stubborn. After I heard back from the adoption agency, I picked up Jasper the next day. It’s nothing like trying to train a pup and make him part of your family when you are starting a brand new job that requires up to 15 hours of your day, 5 days a week.

So how do I do it? Who knows??? I honestly could not explain to you why my students say they love me so much or why my dog still greets me so happily every day when I return home. I couldn’t even begin to tell you what my coworkers think or how abandoned my sister must feel since I barely ever get to talk to her anymore, let alone doing anything else! 

And who’s idea was it for me to go back to college the same year that I started my first full-time job? Dog, job, college… possibly the stupidest combination that I’ve ever allowed my life to have all at once. It’s just too much. 

But I’m not writing this post to rant or make people feel sorry for me. In fact, it’s the opposite. I’m realizing, through all of this, that I need to focus more on myself in my downtime. Regardless of if that downtime is 5 hours or 5 seconds, I need to learn to step back, take a deep breath, and then keep plodding along. 

We ran a book drive at school a few weeks ago. Each of the teachers had the opportunity to make a wish list of books that they would love to have from the drive. I randomly picked one because I don’t have any kids (and most of the books were for elementary-aged students). Funny thing is, all of these books ended up being inspirational. I was pretty excited about reading them, but figured that I would never receive any. Not many people randomly buy teachers inspirational books for no apparent reason.

But someone did. Someone bought me one of those inspirational books. They made my day actually because they simply signed their name as “A Friend”. I have no idea who this person is and I probably will never know. So why does this make me so happy? Because someone did something nice for me for no reason. I mean, maybe I influenced them in some way or they are a friend of mine. The thing is though, I don’t know that any of these things are true. It could be that one of my students wanted to give me a gift, or my boss secretly buys a book for each new teacher. While I will never know the true circumstances, the thing that hit me the most was the anonymity. You don’t have to be famous to do something nice for someone. You don’t have to be thanked to do something good. Whoever this amazing person is, they did it because they cared. That’s all. A simple, pure reason for gifting someone a book. 

As it is, I have not had a lot of time to open this book and actually read it. But I’ve been so excited, that I quit working early yesterday in order to begin reading it. Funny thing is, after I read the Foreword, I realized that the book is aimed at an audience for which I do not belong. Particularly, women of color. I mean, I have color in my skin, I’m not albino. But the authors made it very clear by Chapter 1 that they had written this book to empower black women. 

My first thought was “great, why did I not read the foreword before putting this on my wish list?” My second thought was similar: “What am I going to do with this book? It is an amazing gift but I won’t get anything out of it!” Boy was I wrong…

I persevered and decided to read at least the first chapter. By the time I did, I realized more about myself than I think I ever have before (at least in such a short time). The book is all about finding yourself and not settling for less than you are happy with. It’s very interesting, with true stories of women who have struggled through life, with questions to make you use your critical thinking skills, and with those random comments about empowering women of color (which still make me feel awkward, even after I’ve read the first 3 chapters!) 

I actually feel sort of sad that the authors of this book did not pick a more general audience. The power these words could have on ANY woman must be extremely great. Yet many of us will never learn this because the target audience does not include our circumstances. 

In any case, I decided to start posting again because of this book. It actually occurred to me for a few reasons.

1. I want to make record of the answers to the questions that are asked within the book. I was going to keep a journal but am not sure I have enough time to honestly sit and write out all of the words without them being completely illegible. 

2. I realized that I am not taking enough time for myself and the things I love to do. I love to read, I love to write. So why have I stopped? A new puppy might be a good reason, but my job and my schooling are not good enough reasons to throw my passions away! 

I’m sure there are more reasons, but this is all I can think of right now. I’m hoping that tomorrow night I still have time (between constructing a circuit and feeding the dog his supper) to be able to post the answers to the first question in the book. 

Stay tuned….

Oh, and by the way, I am trying out this new technology! Please feel free to leave me feedback below! I would absolutely love to hear from you. 

 

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