Monthly Archives: November 2014

Soul Revealing Questions: Chapter 3

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I am finding that I am enjoying the time off of work. Though I feel like I don’t really know what to do with myself since I have all of this free time, I am truly enjoying it! I have actually had time to catch up on sleep, watch some movies, give my pup attention, and spend time reflecting on my emotional and spiritual state. I know that many people do not take time for themselves emotionally, but I need to take a step back, take a deep breath, and recollect myself every now and then.

This evening my sister and I put up our tree for Christmas. Since the family has allergy problems left and right, we chose to use our artificial tree this year. It is also pup’s first Christmas, and I was scared that he was going to freak out about the tree. Possibly try to attack it; maybe pee on it? Who knows. In any case, we put the tree up without any lights or ornaments for a day or two to make sure that he wouldn’t ruin all of our decorations. Instead, we found that, at least tonight, he was scared to death of the fact that we built this giant tree right in our living room! It was pretty hilarious to say the least. Even though I dislike that he is always so scared of things. Hopefully this is a sign that, even after yesterday’s awful Thanksgiving, Christmas will be pretty good this year. My family all deserves a great day together.

In the meantime, I finished reading the third chapter of my book, so here are the questions that correspond:

  • What are your most vivid memories of growing up?

Most of my more vivid memories are of myself and my family camping, playing sports, and having a good time. It’s not until later in my childhood that I remember more negative things: the struggles that I had with kids in school, the amount of pressure that I placed on myself to be as perfect as possible, the struggles with my friends and family when I was a young teen, etc. It’s funny that some of the most vivid memories in my mind involve tiny little incidents that other people who were involved cannot remember now. It really shows me how perspective is different for each person. 

  • How were you treated as a child? Were you treated fairly?

I believe this answer depends on who we are talking about or the location that I was in at the time. My parents and my sister treated me amazingly. I didn’t realize it then, but they always did whatever was best for me. My sister especially looked out for me, wanted to grow up to be just like me, and loved me unconditionally. Other family members also cared about me and treated me mostly decent, but they didn’t understand my anxiety or my fear of being away from the parents and sister whom I had come to trust and rely on so much. Friends in school were amazing at first; I used to be so popular. When I became one of the most successful students in the school, I also became the highest-ranked student in my class. That was when people started treating me unfairly. Everyone wants to be the best, and apparently the only way to do it is to put down the person who is ahead of you at the time. 

  • Is there a history of physical, emotional, or sexual abuse in your family?

Yes, but I’ve never been abused by my immediate family. My mom was abused in more than one of these ways as a child, but I don’t know many details. The only other thing that I know about it and understand is that her parents were also the grandparents that I have discussed in posts before. They were the ones who ended up emotionally abusing me when I got a little bit older. If they hurt me as badly as they did, I cannot imagine how my mom made it out of her childhood as well as she did. She’s a strong person, that’s for sure. 

  • What part of your childhood would you change, given the chance?

I’m not sure that I would change any of it. I didn’t end up where I am today out of pure luck or just by chance. Everything that I have been through has changed me in some way. I’m proud to say that I was bullied and overcame it. I’m glad to say that I overcame my fears of going to college by finding a scenario that worked for my needs. I’m proud to say that I have moved on from the people who treated me badly. The only thing that I wish would change is that I would be able to forget a little easier. Not forget completely, just a little bit better than usual. If I couldn’t already see the difference that my past has made in my life, I’d wish that I hadn’t experienced all of the hurt, disappointment, and abuse that I had to go through. And yet, I know people have had it worse.

  • What are your survival techniques?

I cry. I’m not scared to admit it. I hate crying in front of people because it always feels so awkward, but my body has no problem letting my emotions out with physical means. A lot of times, most often when a loved one dies (whether it be a person or a pet), I will dive into my homework for hours at a time and distract my thoughts by focusing on some kind of academia. I also find that writing helps a lot. If I hadn’t kept a journal and diary as a young child, I wouldn’t have made it through all of the bullying. I would have been a much angrier, much more messed up child. Even now, writing helps.

  • Have you received medical attention for mental illness or stress?

Yes, but I’m not sure why that is a bad thing. I was born this way and I have found ways to manage it to the best of my ability. I have simply sought medical help so that I could accomplish all of my goals in life, not because I could not handle myself, but because I wanted to be more, achieve more. It’s not bad to seek help of any kind, and I wish more people would realize that. Seeking help for me wasn’t a downfall or a bad judgement call; it was a coping mechanism and something that I needed to do. It’s important to let other people in, at least under certain circumstances.

  • What is your main concern or worry about your life?

I always fear being hurt emotionally. I worry that I’ll never overcome that feeling and that my friendship/family connections will grow no farther than what they already have done. I fear that I give up on myself emotionally at times, especially when someone has a problem with me for some reason. 

  • How do you manage your time? Do you find you can do it efficiently? Do you procrastinate or waste time?

Agendas, planners, calendars, and an innate sense of time management. I’m not sure whether my parents taught this skill to me or whether I picked it up on my own, but I am super organized. Some days I do procrastinate, but I’m so efficient every other day that, when I get a week or two ahead in my work, I find it’s okay to take a deep breath and read a book for a little bit before diving back into the tasks on my list. 

  • What do you consider to be quality time?

Spending time with my family. Any one of them, at any time, in any place. Being able to laugh and relax. Not having to worry about the realities of a job, relationship drama, or other things that I cannot control. I even consider sitting here typing to be quality time. Quality time can even be with oneself, so that you have time to process all of this emotional nonsense going on in your head. 

  • Have you been in a violent relationship? If so, explain. 

Yes. As stated above, my grandparents were pretty emotionally abusive. That to me is the same thing as violence. Besides that, no. I’ve never been beaten, put down, or completely ruined by anyone whom I loved and held near to my heart besides that. 

 

I sometimes get the feeling that all of these posts are a little too personal, but I need to put my thoughts somewhere, so unless the questions get too much more personal, I will continue to post them. I am finding that many people have been following my blog this week as I continue to write more and more of these posts. Maybe, just maybe, they are helping others to see that they are not alone. And if that could happen to just one single person, my writing all of this personal stuff will be a good thing. 

Please, if you have anything to say about any of my posts, comment below. I know that I changed my theme the other week and my comment buttons at the bottom of my posts are no longer very big, but they are there! So Comment! 

Until next time,

~Me

 

Why Black Friday is Possibly the Worst Day of the Year!

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Let me just start by saying that I hope God is watching over our little baby birds. Sweet Cheeks (my parakeet) died many years ago. Then, late last night, my sister’s parakeet (Snow) died unexpectedly. It was awful. Not only did this happen on Thanksgiving, but she was just a baby! I’m praying that all of our lost loved ones are in Heaven right now having some kind of family, friend, animal, pet party. Hopefully…

In other news, today is Black Friday (as if we didn’t already kn0w). Most people think this day is a great day to get sales and enjoy shopping with loved ones. For many of us, it’s a time-honored tradition to go out with generations of our family members to find steals that we don’t actually need but decide to buy for Christmas or just for the heck of it. Here’s the problem that I see: Black Friday is now more about the fad and the mania than the tradition or even the sales. Since I, and my entire family, veto Black Friday shopping, this also becomes one of the most boring days of the year EVER. I would love to get my Christmas shopping done, but I’m not supporting this nonsense. I would like to do homework, but that’s all I’ve been doing for the last several hours. After a while, with the rest of the family napping or watching old movies, I get bored. It happens I guess. 

Anyway, since my boredom is causing me issues, I just thought I would write a list of the reasons that Black Friday is an awful tradition that we should no longer support. It’s not that I do not want stores and people to make money; it’s not that traditions are bad things. It’s just…

  1. The point of vacation is to sleep! None of us truly sleep on Black Friday if we plan to go out and shop for the true bargains. 
  2. Let’s face it: stores open too early! It might be part of the thrill to wake up at 1am to go shopping, but at the end of the day, it just adds to the anxiety and stress of this whole manic situation. Employees are exhausted and grumpy, shoppers are pushy and rude. It’s just bad. 
  3. Most of the bargain items are pieces of junk! Companies (manufacturers in particular) are not stupid enough to actually give all of these products away for less than half of normal prices! Not if they want to earn any money at all. And we are all (or we all SHOULD be) smart enough to know that there is no purpose to Black Friday if companies didn’t just want more and more money. 
  4. Needless to say, Thanksgiving is the day before Black Friday. Our family members are unable to truly enjoy the holiday because they have to be at work by midnight (or earlier). Way to ruin our Thanksgiving people!
  5. Participating in Black Friday in ANY way (unless you are forced to work by your employer) makes you a complete hypocrite. Let’s all sit around and be thankful for the things that we are given. Let’s spend an entire day thanking God for the simple things in our life that make it worth living each day. Let’s acknowledge the fact that we are better fed, better clothed, and better prepared for the world in many ways than our counterparts in other poverty-stricken countries. Let’s even spend time donating our time and money/food to food banks to feed the homeless of America; surely they deserve a good, hot meal too! But then wait: less than 24 hours later, we are scrambling around a crazy shopping mall looking for the cheapest toaster or television that we can find! Let’s spend hundreds of dollars on Christmas gifts, and gifts for ourselves, when we just thanked God for the house, food, and clothing that we already do have. After we acknowledge that we take things for granted and are trying to focus on being thankful for them, let’s turn around and become part of this craze that sweeps the nation, “forcing” us to run around like maniacs spending our money frivolously and for things that we really don’t need.
  6. Have we noticed that Black Friday is now Cyber Monday? And, starting last year, Black Friday became Cyber Monday AND Tacky Thursday (or so I call it). It’s nothing like sucking up a perfectly good holiday by shopping and fighting for deals. Hence the term tacky. Next thing you know, there will be Worthless Wednesday, Tumultuous Tuesday and Stealing Saturday. (Yes, I just made all of these up, but the name sum up my thoughts on all of these sale days!) Something that was a single-day tradition is now almost a week tradition. Plus then you have to remember that the same mania (though not as horrific) occurs every Columbus Day, Labor Day, President’s Day, and Christmas Eve/New Year’s Day.
  7. Finally, and probably most importantly, people are actually injured! People DIE! If companies are smart (and we can see how many are not), they would not participate in this manic insanity just for some money. It is NEVER worth ANY amount of money for people to die and be injured. Sure, it’s not the company’s fault that their shoppers injure others, but it is ridiculous that they would even take that risk, their fault or not.

 

End rant. Have a truly “Black” Friday everyone!

~Me

Soul Revealing Questions: Chapter 2

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The more I read this book, the more I feel like I was destined to read this book right now, at this point in my life. I no longer care that it wasn’t written for an audience that includes me. Instead I’m focused on soaking up the advice and letting myself heal after my recent breakup. Curiously enough this set of questions is geared towards a person’s biggest struggles.

What doubts do you struggle with?

I doubt myself. I doubt my ability to do basically anything that seems like a struggle during any particular situation. I don’t always doubt myself, don’t get me wrong; but it’s a lot easier to doubt yourself when you are stressed or when others act like you cannot succeed at the simplest of things. 

Explain significant past hurts, misunderstandings, and grudges that you feel are holding you back.

My grandparents were first. At least that’s how I remember it. Sure, when I was younger, I lost friends, had fights, and did normal child things with other kids in school. But the hurt that I remember most vividly is that which my grandparents gave to me. Shortly thereafter, and because of that interaction, my aunt, uncle, and cousins also hurt me. Without going into details, I can tell you that it was one of the biggest emotional slaps in the face that anyone can probably ever experience. It’s so difficult to go from having a nice, close-knit family to having three people in your life who you can even trust a fraction. That experience shattered my trust, my independence, and my confidence in myself for many, many years. 

Then there was the first time I truly liked a boy. I say boy because we were both still young to act like adults. While we weren’t “dating”, he chose Thanksgiving day to tell me that his parents allowed his ex-girlfriend to move in with him (I don’t remember the reason), and he could no longer speak to me because it made her uncomfortable. This too hurt. I had just started trusting again, only to be sideswiped again. 

Being bullied in middle school is one of the greatest misunderstandings and hurts that I have ever felt in my life. It’s nothing like having a huge set of friends whom you have spent years with only to turn around and have no one. Actually, it’s worse when you have no one but everyone else also puts so much extra effort into treating you like crap because of your grades, your kindness to your teachers, etc. It’s not as though I was doing anything wrong; from the way I understand it, people were just jealous. 

Most recently, again once I had begun to trust people for the first time in quite a while, I met a man. He was amazing and sweet and caring. He taught me to trust and love again. After just over a year, we got engaged. Less than 2 years later, he broke up with me. I made some mistakes in my tone of voice when speaking with him at times, I admit that. No one is perfect. But we were both aware of my issues and I was working to make them go away. He too had issues, to the point where he couldn’t control them at times. Or something… I’m not even completely sure. But the biggest hurt now is that we didn’t have some huge falling out. Things didn’t go horribly wrong. To this day, I still cannot say that I do not love him. I do. But he has a new girlfriend now and I am finding it extremely hard to be the friend on the side. It’s been tough, and I’m trying to let go. But every time I think of him (which is almost constantly), I cannot let go of the pain that I feel or the fact that I do not want to give up what was supposed to be my future, my whole life. 

What past hurt do you believe is your greatest barrier?

The most recent, for sure!

What is the most vulnerable part of your life?

My emotions. I even took a test online the other day (one of those stupid ones that ask ‘What is your age’ or some other nonsense). This test questioned “What is your biggest struggle?” My answer was that I was too lovable. Point proven… I love too much, too deeply, and too easily. Until I get hurt; then I pull back for a while until I’m comfortable taking the risk that it will happen all over again. 

What could someone do to make you able to talk about your concerns, anger, weaknesses, pain, and struggles?

Prove to me that they can be trusted. Prove to me that they truly care. Mostly, just show me love. I don’t require much, and I’m often very open about my situations. It’s my anxiety that I don’t like to talk about. 

Who do you believe has disappointed you or told you a negative story about yourself in your lifetime?

Many people. (See above for those who have hurt me most.) There are always people telling me I shouldn’t do one thing or another. My family is much better at keeping me supported and positive, but I think that there are times when even they have said something negative about me. Maybe not large stories that are negative or make a lasting impact, but negative things that are barely impacting my life at this point. 

Is there a relationship that you believe should be mended?

Right now, yes. In time, I will see that everything that has happened recently happened for a very good reason. Then I will know that it’s okay to just let some people go. I may never stop thinking about the relationship, the person, or the things that occurred (I’m very bad at forgetting), but one day I will understand it at least. 

That’s all for now. Happy Thanksgiving!

~Me

Soul Revealing Questions: Chapter 1

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I know that I have posted a lot lately, but I just finished reading Chapter 1 of Souls Revealed, and it ends with a few questions that I figure I ought to answer (since I’m trying this whole answer questions on my blog thing).

Here goes…

  • What are the emotional, material, and spiritual needs in your life?

Emotional- I need to feel loved and cared for. This often requires that I am not alone for long periods of                                            time and that I have people in my life who I can truly trust to support me in all things. I                                                    often feel the need to make others proud of me in order to feel happiness and success. 

Material- My biggest material needs are food, water, clothing, shelter, and a car. I require the car to go                                         to work each day, food (& water & clothing & shelter) for the obvious reasons. It also helps,                                            since I am a teacher and love learning, to have paper, writing utensils, textbooks, and books                                          in general. Would I say these are needs? No. But I am used to having them in my life, and                                               sometimes I think I take them for granted. 

Spiritual- I need my family. While this doesn’t sound spiritual, it is. My mom is extremely spiritual, and                                         she helps to remind me of the things that are important in my spiritual life. My dad is a great                                         inspiration because he reminds me to go to Church on a more regular basis. Both of my                                                   parents set good examples for me of how Christians are supposed to act. My sister is the                                                  greatest example of someone who always does things for others. She inspires me to be a better                                       person in general. I also feel that, while it is not a need per say, this blog is extremely                                                        important to my spiritual life. Being able to read other blogs about religions and positive                                                thinking/actions is an amazing thing in my life. It also helps me to sort out my emotional and                                        spiritual feelings when I wrote posts such as this one. 

  • Where do you go to meet those needs?

                    Church, home, work, and my back yard. Church, for obvious reasons spiritually and emotionally.                                 Home, because I get most of my material needs from there. My family is also there to support me, and I                       can find some quiet time to collect myself spiritually and emotionally before venturing out into the                               world again. Work, because my students set great examples that make me want to be a better person.                         Also because my job allows me to strive to be a better example for the kids, and of course, because I get                      paid. My back yard, because it abuts a field; a big empty field that is so peaceful, quiet, and relaxing that                    I have the perfect opportunity to sit and think while looking out on the countryside. Nature in general is                      a great place to go I think- at least spiritually and emotionally speaking. 

  • Who provides support to you? Who can you rely on in a moment of crisis?

My family. Even my dog can give comfort when I am feeling like being alone but cannot stand to talk to                     anyone. Actually, I am finding it harder to rely on my family at all times and for all crises. I think this is                     mostly because I am growing up, but I also attribute this change to the fact that I got used to speaking                         to someone else about my problems when I was with my ex-fiance. At that point, I relied on him to                              support me at all times. Now that I’ve lost that part of my life, I also feel lost when it comes to emotional                      things. Maybe that’s because it’s hard for me to get over the end of an engagement (something I never                          thought that I would experience), but also because I lost my main source of support at the same time. 

  • Who do you look to in order to share the truth about your life?

                      A diary. I let friends and family in to some parts of my life, but I don’t think anyone knows everything                        about me anymore. 

  • Describe your emotional stability. Are you at your tipping point? Why?

I’m definitely not completely stable right now. It gets even worse when you consider that having anxiety                    to begin with makes me emotionally unstable on a fairly normal basis. I don’t think I’m at my tipping                          point right now; I think I may have already been there and come back from it. At the same time, since                         I’ve lost what I thought of as my future, I’m quite a bit of a mess right now. 

  • What does it take for you to trust?

                  It always takes a lot. The first thing is that the person I am trusting me shows that they trust me first.                        Even then I over-think everything and struggle to trust. Sometimes I even distrust my family, but that’s                      because of past events as well. I used to trust everyone and anyone who showed me respect; now I have                      changed to stop myself from being hurt so that it does not happen again. 

  • When have you chosen a life of less?

                 Now. When I was a teenager. Especially when deciding whether to return to school to get my Masters or                   not. I believe now that I may have made the wrong decision then. My responsibilities now take away                           much of my relaxation time. I find I’m not focused nearly as much as I should be on my emotional and                         spiritual state of being. 

  • What are you the most fearful of in your life?

                    Being hurt again. That should be clear based on what I said above…

  • Are you bitter? What are the circumstances?

                  I don’t think so. I mean, every now and then I get angry at a circumstance or a person involved. But I                        don’t walk around seeking revenge, blaming others, or ruining my days by thinking about the past. At the                  same time, I’m never satisfied with giving up on any situation, and I have a hard time letting go of people                  I did love who stopped loving me or hurt me. In some ways, I feel being bitter would be better than                              whatever it is that I do when I get hurt.

  • How comfortable are you with yourself?

                   I know who I am. I am used to the person that I am. Do I wish I were someone different? Yes, sometimes.                   But that feeling often lasts for only a second or two before I remember why I am the person that I am and                  that, if I were any different, I could be worse off than I am now. It may not always be sunny and green                        grasses on my side of the world, but it could be worse from another perspective and I do not even realize                    it. 

  • How do you express yourself and your needs? How can you improve?

                 Which needs? Emotionally, I often cry when I get frustrated or lost with expressing myself. People who                        know me well know I need help when I am crying. And I don’t do it only when I am sad. I don’t really                         express my material needs. I am fairly independent and take care of myself. Plus I don’t need a lot of                           things that other humans could live without. It’s fairly obvious, especially in today’s world, that a shelter,                   food, and water are needs for any humans. 

I am sure that I can improve when trying to express myself because I am so easily emotional about                             anything. I cry when I’m happy, angry, or sad at times. Instead of allowing this expression to speak for                      me totally, I need to at least combine it with words (or not cry at all) in order to ensure that everyone truly                understands what I am discussing and talking about. 

  • What values are important to you? How do you incorporate them into your life?

                   Respect. Honor. Trust. Compassion. LOVE. Kindness. Privacy. Family. Intelligence.

*Respect is incorporated into my life because I show respect for everyone I am around (even strangers)                       and expect respect from those who I choose to spend my time around. 

*Honor- Same goes!

*Trust- See the discussions above. It’s very important for me to trust people, but I don’t do it easily.

*Compassion- I show compassion a lot of times regardless of whether others show it or not. 

*Kindness- Same goes!

*Privacy- I try to take time for myself on a regular basis in order to regroup and breathe. In addition, I                        find that privacy is extremely important so that less drama occurs in my life. 

*Family- See all of the above. We spend a lot of time together!

*Intelligence- I’m a teacher. Need I say more?

*LOVE- Yes, it’s capitalized for a reason. This is the reason that I live my life the way I do. This is                                   where my happiness comes from. This is why I bother to trust anyone to begin with. Love is the most                           important thing in my life and that will never change!

Well, I had intended to write more than this, but those questions took me much longer than I was expecting. Until tomorrow I guess!

~Me

Curriki for the Holidays: No Shopping Required

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Veto

I’ve found this website. It seems absolutely amazing! I’m actually sad that I do not have more time in my day to devote to searching for amazing teacher resources. Particularly, I would love to have more time to explore the ones that I already know about. But regardless, every now and then I come across a good one. 

So here it is: Curriki. As a member, you are able to see hundreds of lesson plans, quizzes, and activities for classes of all different subjects. In addition, the membership is entirely free and allows you to save each of the files that you come across for easy reference later! This is the website that I have been unable to completely search to my heart’s content. But I did have a few minutes tonight to view it and came across this great portion of the website that is a blog. (Since we are all hanging out on WordPress, we must all realize that I love blogs.) 

One of the first posts that I ran across is written by Janet Pinto. It’s called 10 Things to do other than Shop on Black FridayI was intrigued by this post not only because it didn’t seem very educational at the beginning, but also because it brought into focus the upcoming holiday season. I, as a teacher, have been ignoring the fact that Christmas and Thanksgiving are quickly approaching. (I haven’t even started shopping!!) So I have decided that, since Thanksgiving Break starts tomorrow, I am going to dive right into the holiday season in the same way that Janet did. If she is reading this, I hope that she does not mind my spin on her post. While her 10 things were mostly education-related, mine may not be. Let’s see how many I can come up with…

The Things I Would Rather Do Than Shop on Black Friday!

  1. Sleep in
  2. Eat leftovers
  3. Watch movies in my pjs
  4. Bake (not sure what, but it sounds fun!)
  5. Read an entire novel (or most of one!)
  6. Catch up on grading
  7. Finish planning class lessons through Winter Break so that I can relax at work in December.
  8. Study for my Praxis exam (Okay, I don’t want to do this, but if we are being realistic, it’s going to happen…)
  9. Talk to friends (via phone, text, or the Internet- no driving necessary!)
  10. Play with the pup in the snow (hopefully we will have some this year)
  11. Make a craft
  12. Clean my room (I don’t even like cleaning my room!)
  13. Take a cat nap
  14. Enjoy the sunshine (even if it’s cold)
  15. Catch up on TV shows that I’ve missed
  16. Play games on the computer
  17. Workout (at home of course)
  18. Do a kind favor for each member of my household (again, without leaving the house)
  19. Learn at least one new thing
  20. Write Christmas cards
  21. Plan Christmas shopping (don’t actually DO any shopping, not even on Amazon)
  22. Make plans for the weekend
  23. Sew
  24. Write a letter
  25. Post to my blog
  26. Feel fat (this is just a given…)
  27. Make a list of educational resources (ha! Maybe I will actually have time…)
  28. Take photos with my family
  29. Enjoy spending time with the family without the use of technology (even the TV)
  30. Discuss Thanksgiving with those who did not spend it by my side

Okay, I think I’ll stop there. It’s pretty crazy that I came up with 30 things, half of which I won’t even have time to complete. But it makes me feel good to know I’ve got a focus over the next few days off. Thanksgiving Break, here I come! I’m a (wo)man with a mission now.

Enjoy your holidays everyone, and let me know which of my 30 things you’ve tried this Black Friday!

~Me

Tonight I’m Okay

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There’s something about a slap of reality that is so awful and yet so amazing that it can be hard to swallow. A dose of this reality is something that comes along all too often when you cannot handle it. From a frustrating assignment at work to an impossible confrontation with a friend, its possible to be flung back into reality in the blink of an eye. The question is, why do humans allow themselves to be lost in their joy and happiness when the end of that happiness is always lurking right around the corner? Why is life destined to create circles around us over and over again?

I was having a curious conversation with a co-worker the other day about Obama and his immigration ideas. I got so frustrated that I couldn’t understand why we continue to make the same mistakes over and over again. It’s amazing to me that we have so many historic sites in the world and so many of us love reading and learning about history. Yet when it comes to decision making, we consistently make the same mistakes over and over.

Then there’s me of course. The girl who’s so scared of repeating history that she never does the same thing twice. While I love routine, the first time my routine is broken I reinvent the wheel entirely.

I certainly don’t have it all figured out but sometimes I wish I’d be more of a role model and less of an introvert…

Regardless, tonight I’m okay because I know who I am regardless of anyone else’s opinion or approval.

-Me