Wacky Wednesday- The Lie (L1T5)

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Wacky

First of all, I have to tell everyone that it’s back to work for me tomorrow. I’ve been enjoying the ability to work from home for the last few weeks, and not every day at that. Looks like life will be changing up for a bit. Give me a few weeks to get adjusted- there might be some missing posts between now and then, but I’ll do my best to keep up with my blogging! 

The Wacky Wednesday topic for today is about lying. Namely, the list says to write about “That one time you told a huge lie and kinda got away with it {or perhaps you didn’t and that would make an even better blog post! Cringe}.” Since I just read this (less than a minute ago), I have no idea what to write about yet. Sure, just like everyone, there have been little white lies in my life. But something so extreme that I would immediately think of it after reading this topic? No… Which is a good thing right?

(5 minutes later)

Okay, I don’t think I’ve ever told anyone this story before, and I’m not really ashamed of it anymore. But I used to be. When I was younger, what I did seemed so wrong. But now I understand my desperation to do or say something to change the course of events and the way my life was unraveling. So here’s the story… Hopefully you won’t think any worse of me after you’ve read the story.

To set the background, let me just explain to you that I was in sixth grade when all of this started. By the end of my seventh grade year, I was at my wit’s end. In more ways than one, I had had enough of the situation. What, you may ask, is the situation? Bullying. Which, to some people, may not be the worst thing in the world, but to a girl who used to be popular and have everything going for her, being bullied can seem like the end of the world. 

In sixth grade, a group of students started to bully me. I’m not sure why- maybe my grades or because I had done or said something to upset someone. I guess I will never be sure, but it started nonetheless. The biggest problem with this bullying was that it originated from the same group of peers who had been my best friends since second grade. Almost five years of my life devoted to friendships with these people, and they just started bullying me.

At one point, the girl that I considered my best friend started treating me even worse than the rest of the kids. I guess that was around the fall of my seventh grade year. She wasn’t the type of person to be rude to my face, so she would say crap about me behind my back, to my other friends. It was from them that I heard these horror stories about her attitude toward me. 

About halfway through the year, things got even worse. Now she was willing to say things to my face, in front of other people, to cause a scene. Teachers didn’t care, so let’s face it, I was alone. I attempted to make new friends, but most kids don’t like you if you’re from the “popular group”. Apparently my friends had made it a habit to be rude to others, and I just didn’t know about any of those incidents. I never thought it would be so hard to make friends.

One day, as I was grabbing textbooks from my locker, one of the guys approached me and asked me what was going on between “her” and me. I didn’t know what to tell him- I really had no explanation for what was going on and was just trying to keep my distance. When I told him that I just wanted to stay out of it, he kept pressing me for answers to questions, for details to the story… probably for something to go back and tell all of his other friends. I got tired of trying to avoid his questions and was soon going to be late for class, so I gave him what I was looking for. 

What’s her problem? He kept asking. Well, to my point of view her problem was this: “She’s acting like a bitch and that’s all I know.” There. I said it. It felt good to say it, though I instantly regretted the use of the b-word. But it was said and there was no taking it back now. The guy stood there, completely shocked, and said something to the effect of “whoa, what?” 

By this time I had caught my mistake with the b-word and tried to re-word things so that my life didn’t become even more complicated. I replied, “In my opinion this is just stupid drama, and we are both acting that way by not just working together and getting over it.” And then I walked away.

There it was. The lie of the century. The biggest lie of my life. Because I didn’t think that I was doing anything wrong. I may have been young and naive, but I honestly did not see how me being bullied was my fault. Though I sometimes had depressing thoughts of that nature, it never occurred to me that my problem was an attitude issue. Not my attitude anyway…

I’m not sure if that boy ever told anyone else what I had said. As I turned down the next hallway, I glanced back to see him standing there at my locker staring at me as though I had just let an anvil drop on his toe. Oops! 

I’ve never told that story to anyone either, which I guess in and of itself is a type of lying. People asked me multiple times that year whether I had done anything to encourage the bullying, and I always replied no. Honestly, I hadn’t. Not at the beginning, not up until this day, and not ever after this conversation occurred. I stayed away from the bullies and did my best to ignore them when we shared a classroom. But now, as an adult, I look back on that time and see a lie. Lots of confusion, granted, but one pretty big lie just because I have held this secret in for so long, and it bugged me for so many reasons.

So now that I have said this, I’m going to go and find something distracting to do. Work starts tomorrow, and I need to stay focused on the future, not the past. Hopefully I will be forgiven for what I have done (yes, I have apologized, though never mentioning the exact reason why), and I can continue to just move on with my life. 

 

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