I went to church this morning, partially because I haven’t been in a while, partially because my entire family finally had the opportunity to go today. It may too have had something to do with the fact that I was searching for some kind of answer as far as how to deal with everything that has been going on lately. Needless to say, I didn’t find it…
The Parish that my church is a part of has a single pastor, three churches. We take in students from the local Seminary to give them real-world experiences for a year at a time. Our most recent student, a girl, just finished her time with us. I didn’t realize that today we would be welcoming a new member into our arms. Well, let me rephrase- I knew we were getting someone new since we were having an ice cream social for him after the late service. What I didn’t understand was that he would be giving the sermon today.
Though no big deal right? Everyone preaches differently, everyone “deciphers” the Bible differently, but I am quite used to new pastors, reverends, etc. Today was different though. Today I was really searching for something, some sign of comfort and guidance from the service. I didn’t get it. Maybe that’s why I was so disappointed by the sermon itself, though maybe it was just the fact that the sermon was given by someone who’s name I didn’t even know.
Regardless, I learned a lot about mustard seeds. In fact, the entire sermon focused on it. A parable in one of the Scriptures we read involved the seed. Unfortunately, by the end of the sermon, I couldn’t remember what the parable had said.
So now I’m wondering- is this bad of me? Maybe I was too distracted by the newness of the situation, maybe the sermon was just too long for my attention span… Regardless, I feel really bad about the fact that I got nothing from the sermon and spent more time focused on the little baby in front of me. I’m sure that doesn’t make me a bad person, but I always feel like I should walk into church and walk out with at least one new thought, feeling, etc. Today, I didn’t.
I guess I did walk away with one thing, though not what I was searching for, hoping for, or used to. It got so hot in there that we all started sweating and having a hard time staying cool. (Yay for no A/C in the church!) Someone that I hold very dear got so overheated that they had to leave early. In lieu of going into more details on that matter, I’d just like to say that they are okay now, but I need everyone out there to send a big prayer for them just in case. This isn’t the first time that a dizzy spell has been a part of their day lately, and it worries me that it won’t be the last.
So maybe in the end, God wants me to focus more on my loved ones than on myself. I feel like the wires here are getting crossed; last week I felt like I was focusing too much on making everyone else happy and it was hurting me and making my anxiety worse. Now though, I feel like if I don’t focus more on everyone else than myself different things will happen. First, I’ll lose time with the ones I love that I cannot get back whenever I feel like it. Second, I will stay so stressed about my own life that I’ll never get out of this hole.
So now, along with focusing on nature, being thankful for the simple things (as I talked about yesterday), I need to focus on other people, especially those that I love. Let’s see how this goes…
In ending, this scripture from John 15:13 sums up the focus that I am going to try to maintain:
Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.