Well, I’ve never moved. I know, it’s a big weird thing. Everyone these days moves. Most at least go to college or move to a different house with their family. But not me. As I’ve said before, my family is pretty old-fashioned. We grew up in a home built by family members, have updated and renovated to fit our needs, and love this little house we own. To tell you the truth, as much as my family drives me crazy, this house is my comfort zone. I’m not looking forward to moving out at all! I know it needs to happen, but it hasn’t yet.
So this post is pretty pointless- I cannot write about the first time I left home, but that’s what the prompt is asking me to do. Instead, I think I’ll tell you about the first time that I truly left home alone. No, I’m not talking about school, a job, or a trip to Walmart or the grocery store. Instead, I mean the first time I went away from home on my own for an extended period of time.
It happened last week actually. I mean, I’ve gone on trips before to various locations. I’ve driven over an hour away to get to work, to pick people up from the City, etc. But last week I made a trip that took me over 12 hours away from home. I left of my own accord, on a spur-of-the-moment decision. And then I spent the next 12 hours in the car, winding my way through traffic jams, road construction, and towns I’ve never seen or heard of before.
I had a distinct destination in mind, and when I got there, I would no longer be alone. That was the biggest reason I convinced myself that the trip would be amazing. It would be great. I was excited (and thus nervous) about reaching the town I was headed for, but the trip was rather enjoyable other than that.
Problem was I drove the whole way, almost without stopping. It was late by the time I got to my location, and I didn’t sleep on top of that. The whole situation was fairly messed up because of my anxiety. So, less than 48 hours after I had arrived, I turned around and drove the whole way back home without stopping.
I keep going back and forth- regretting even trying, being proud of myself, and really realizing how much I enjoyed being with the person that I had met up with. Back and forth, back and forth. My feelings on this trip may never settle down or be completely set in stone. But I know that I did do something great that, due to my disorder, I never thought I would do voluntarily. I did get hugs and kisses from the one I love. And while not all things that ensued because of my exhaustion, stress, and anxiety were positive, I find that I need to focus on the positive things in order to keep my sanity and not drive everyone around me crazy.
So maybe I haven’t moved yet. I’m sure I’m not the only one in the world who can say so. And maybe, since I was able to (sort of) make this trip all on my own, I will be able to move out on my own sooner than I think. But, for the time being, I’m going to try to enjoy my life the way it is, savor every moment of every experience, and improve myself surely and slowly so as not to slip up after trying to make the big move.